It has been truly amazing, to have played such a huge part of your life, to be considered a constant in the span of time that we shared. Oh, how glorious the days were and for that, you gave me enough memories to cherish for a lifetime.
But this time, while I still can, while I still have this sane part of me, I’m choosing myself.
If I don’t do this now, I might not want to anymore.
This time, I’m saving myself – from the potential and inevitable hurt. I can’t let myself think of your presence as permanent when our visions for the future are too different. Sooner or later, we’ll reach that fork on the road where you’ll go left and I’ll go right. When that time comes, I want to have the strength to take a step towards my own future, even if it meant the greater possibility of not having you in it the way I pictured it to be.
This isn’t me pushing you away. This is me finally putting my own needs first. Never will I regret the times I chose your happiness and your emotions over mine. Never will I regret the sacrifices I made, the judgment I took, the friendships tested. Never will I regret doing those for you because my desire to keep that smile on your face and in your heart is and will always be stronger than any of those. But I have to choose me now.
As much as I want to be a superhero, I am just a mere mortal like everyone else – my heart can only take so much. It’s been broken, repeatedly. Bruised, wounded, sliced, crushed – you name it. It’s a surprise, even for me, that it’s still functioning despite everything it has gone through.
This time, I’m choosing to pick up what’s left of my heart before it shatters into a million pieces, before it becomes near impossible to put it back.
I have been so consumed by my desire for you that everything else about me seemed to have drowned. You were the ocean that I had let myself get lost into. As we made more memories together, I had fallen deeper and deeper until I lost sight of the shore, until I couldn’t remember who I was and where I was before you happened.
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